The Mysterious Voicemail

I've blogged before about some of the odd cold call solicitations I've received since releasing my first book. I've even dedicated a few permanent pages to those callers on my website. But it is rare that among those dozens of phone calls and voicemails that I find one that totally baffles me. However, one such voicemail did just that recently.

To put this into a bit more context, my phone rang as my wife and I arrived at a local car dealership. My wife has had some interest in replacing her ailing Ford Explorer for the last several months and we finally found a suitable replacement. We arrived there after having already driven what she wanted and the purpose of our visit that afternoon was simply to do the paperwork to take it home. No sooner than my phone began ringing, I looked down at my watch to see it listed as potential spam. Seeing how this is far from abnormal, I did what I usually do and sent the caller to voicemail.

Not long after I had declined the call, my phone beeped to let me know that the caller had left a message. Again, this was nothing new but at that moment I was otherwise engaged and had to wait to listen. As we sat in the dealership waiting for things to process, I took advantage of the opportunity and listened to the waiting voicemail.

As I clicked play and waited for the audio to begin streaming to my hearing aides, I started to read the automatic transcription my iPhone provides. The transcription provided me with the first clue that this message was not going to be easy to follow. I have had Siri's transcriptions be somewhat comical in the past as it seems to struggle with various accents and dialects but the text that appeared before me was nothing short of a hot mess. I skimmed through the written message to see if any part of it could be considered sensible or provide any real information but none was found within the chaotic jumble of words Siri had put together.

Then, no sooner than I had quickly skimmed through the confusing text, the audio kicked in and began playing in my eagerly waiting ears. The voice was female. That was obvious. Her accent sounded Asian but I can't be more specific than that. And that's really about all I can tell you from listening to the message she left. Even after repeated listenings, I'm no closer to unraveling the mystery of who this is, who she works for, or even what she's trying to pitch to me about my book. I could call what I think is the number she left for me to call her back but I'm afraid someone might answer and I won't know what they're saying either.

And for those curious souls out there, here's the actual transcription my phone gave me of this message. Enjoy!

“Hi this message to Mr. Karen Sean this is Jennifer Shannon I'm calling you you have a great charger media and the reason why I am trying to get in touch with you it is because I just received a completing all article regarding your material and one that I am referring to you ascension legacy book one machine rangers that I just thought it would be a perfect or great fortune would be a perfect time to inform you that you are one of support Oscars yes we are hoping to be charging off spotlight that is part of the case and of course is shows which is hosted by an road caster house if you are interested so should you like me to assist you or education for this excuse review medicate and please feel free to ring back 302412949873020129498 extension 11184 I look forward to hearing from you and part of the show thank you and have a wonderful day be safe…”